First Blood: Part Two

by JenesisX

Later that night, just as the sun began to set, Aliya and I sat side-by-side on the large rock by the lake shore near camp. It was my favorite place to sit and think, one I'd been coming to often over the past few months. Sometimes I needed to be alone, away from the adoring eyes of my followers for a while to think things through, and so far everyone had respected my wishes. I considered it almost a private place, somewhere I didn't want other people to come even though it was free and open land, but lately I'd been sharing it with Aliya. She seemed to like it as much as I did, and it was a good, neutral place for us to get together without feeling uncomfortable.

With that day's lesson completed, a comfortable silence hung between us as we gazed down into the calm waters of the lake. I was tired and my head hurt a bit from all the concentration, but I was happy just to be sitting there with her. Still, I felt like I should say something instead of isolating myself with my own reflections, since it was I who had invited her there in the first place. Nervously, the butterflies I hated so much stirring in my stomach, I dared to glance over at her and cleared my throat. It got her attention as planned, but I froze once she looked at me and forgot what I was going to say. Oath, she was beautiful...

I momentarily forgot where I was and just stared at her, still unused to being in her company. She sat with her slender legs gracefully folded before her, leaning forward to rest her elbows atop her knees. Her long brown hair was neatly combed back, softly falling down her back and shoulders, and her dark eyes were warm and alert as she looked my way. Even dressed in nearly the same casual clothing I wore, she was so attractive that I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I bit my lip, again wondering why she chose to spend her time with me when there were so many other young men who were better than I was in so many ways in our camp alone.

"Did you say something, Nathan?" she asked a moment later, and I finally realized the way in which I was gazing at her, a stupid little smile plastered across my face. I blushed, hastily looking down into my lap and shaking my head.

"Umm, no, no," I stumbled, already cursing myself for again looking like a fool in front of her. "I was just thinking..."

That was true, at least. I just wasn't about to tell her of the subject matter. How could I tell her how perfect she was, after all? She'd probably laugh. She may have tolerated my presence, been my teacher, and even gotten a little closer to me a few times, but it didn't really assure me of how she felt. I was the savior of her belief system, after all. She probably felt obligated to be nice to me, just like everyone else in the camp. Well, beside Tetherblood. He was the only person whose feelings I could be certain of, because he had known me beforehand and didn't view me any differently once we had begun the rebellion. With Aliya, I had no past experience to draw on other than the few days we spent arguing before the Canaanite attack.

"What about?" she asked, and I tried not to visibly cringe. I had been dreading the question, but knew she'd ask it.

"Stuff," I muttered with an awkward shrug. Good, Dayspring. Why don't you try to sound stupid now?

"What kind of 'stuff'?" she asked, her brown eyes meeting mine. She tilted her head slightly, a mannerism of hers that meant she was genuinely interested and curious. And it was really cute, too.

I sighed, leaning back on my elbows and looking up at the sky. Oh, I was just wondering how you felt about me and wanted to let you know that I'm in love with you... There was no way I could say that, not when the chance of her laughing at me was so great. I'd never felt this way about anyone before, and I had no idea what I was supposed to do about it. The thought of telling her made me feel sick, and so frightened that I was tempted to tell her I wasn't well and return to my tent. I did feel sick, after all, but something told me I wouldn't feel better until I got over my fear.

"I was just thinking over what you taught me tonight, that's all," I lied, immediately hating myself for it.

"Oh," Aliya responded, looking away from me and sounding strangely disappointed, as if she had been hoping for a different answer. She sighed, then leaned back to join me in gazing at the sky. It was painted orange now, the very first stars beginning to shine as a quarter moon came into view. I had the perfect setting, and we were alone and out of public view, yet I just couldn't tell her. We had at least grown into a good student/teacher relationship, and even a friendship that occasionally went further, and I was afraid I'd lose that if I admitted my true feelings. It was getting so hard to hide them from her when we linked minds during so many of the lessons we had together, though, and I wasn't sure how much longer it would be before she found out on her own.

I looked over at her again and found her to be frowning thoughtfully, as if something serious was on her mind. I swallowed hard with worry, wondering what she was thinking of and fearing that it had something to do with me.

"Aliya?"

"What?"

"Is something, umm, bothering you? You look upset..."

She sighed again, and my entire body tensed. It did concern me. I tried to keep the worry off of my face as I studied her, noting the way in which her eyes darted about as if she were fighting with herself. I knew the feeling and felt sorry for her even as I feared she what she was trying to tell me.

"I'm not upset," she finally said, shaking her head absently. "I've just... had something on my mind."

"Uh-oh," I said, and it took me a moment to realize I'd spoken aloud. My cheeks flushed bright red and I almost smacked myself across the head. Aliya gave me a strange, confused look, but said nothing of it.

"Look, Nathan," she said, her tone very serious and her face unreadable. Still, I could sense the tension and nervousness she felt even without actively scanning her, so powerful were the emotions. "We need to talk."

"Oh, umm, okay, sure," I stumbled, my heart pounding faster in my chest and my stomach tying itself in knots. I held my breath for a moment before managing to exhale, forcing myself to smile as best I could. "What about?"

Aliya seemed to wince when I asked that question, sitting up straight again and wringing her hands before her. She stared at them as if fascinated for long moments before taking a deep breath and looking over at me again. "I think we should talk about... about us, Nathan."

I blinked at her stupidly while comprehending the statement, and when it finally registered I was pretty sure I really was going to be sick. I guess I should have expected it, but it still surprised me. I was getting too close for her liking, and now she was going to tell me to keep my distance, to be her student and nothing more. I could hardly blame her, but it still hurt, a great deal more than I wanted to admit. I felt my eyes begin to burn with unshed tears of frustration, and firmly told myself I was not about to let her see me cry. No one had in a very long time, not since I'd lost my adopted parents.

"Okay," I choked, disgusted with the way my voice cracked. "What, umm, what about us?"

"I swear, you can be so dense," Aliya muttered, shaking her head and looking back into the lake. My eyes widened with surprise, unsure of what I had done to annoy her this time.

"Dense?" I asked, the hurt evident in my tone despite my efforts to hide it. "What do you mean...?"

Aliya sighed with frustration, turning to me with angry eyes. I subconsciously moved back a few inches, an illogical fear that she was going to hit me running through my mind even though she'd never done such a thing.

"Yes, dense!" she said, her voice an annoyed whisper. "How can you not know what I'm talking about?"

"Because you haven't told me yet."

I spoke in a calm, almost gentle tone, also sitting up straighter and folding my hands in my lap. It took all of my self control not to start another argument with her, shouting back how illogical she was being. But I didn't, because I was too worried and wanted badly to know what was on her mind. I always thought that was an impulse associated with my telepathy, but in this case the need came more from my heart than my mind.

"You're right," Aliya sighed, surprising me with the admission. "I'm sorry... I had no right yelling at you." She paused thoughtfully, a slight smile crossing her face. "I'm always doing that, aren't I?"

"Yeah, sometimes," I replied with a wide grin, her honest humor momentarily alleviating my fears.

"I don't know why you tolerate it," she said quietly, quickly looking away to avoid my eyes. "With your title, you don't have to take that from anyone."

"My title," I said with a groan, rolling my eyes. "Not that again..."

"No, don't worry. That's not what I wanted to talk about," Aliya assured me, smiling faintly. "It's the last thing on my mind right now."

"Oh. Then... what is it?" I asked quietly. "You can tell me, really. I'll... I'll understand." I braced myself against her rejection as if expecting a physical blow, my body rigid and my fists clenched tightly. Aliya studied me for a moment, her brow creased with confusion as I tried to appear strong.

"Wait a minute... Nathan, what exactly do you think I'm trying to tell you?"

I felt my eyes begin to burn again and hastily turned my head away from her. A tightness spread in my chest as I told myself I'd be all right without her, that I'd always gotten by on my own in the past. It wouldn't matter that she didn't see me as I saw her. Someone like me was meant to be alone, anyway. I was different, and I was the savior of an entire planet if you believed it. Still, I wanted to be like everyone else, even when it wasn't possible. In a quiet whisper that sounded pathetically childish even to my own ears, I looked off into the trees and told her the truth.

"No, really, it's okay," I told her, not wanting her to feel guilty or force to change her mind. When I continued to speak, I did so as quickly as I could just to get it over with. "I understand that I've been pushing our... relationship... in a direction you don't want. I'm sorry, Aliya. I shouldn't have done that... " She held up a hand to interrupt, but I shook my head. "You don't even have to say anything," I assured her, impressed with my own self control. Maybe I had been learning something after all. "I understand."

I couldn't look at her for fear that she'd see the hurt in my eyes. The tears threatened to spill over as I felt my heart breaking, and I hastily moved forward to jump down from the rock and head back to my tent to brood for a few days, maybe years. But as I did so, Aliya reached out and grabbed a hold of my forearm, halting me in mid-motion. I steeled myself and looked up to meet her gaze with cold eyes, my feelings carefully hidden away.

"Oath, Nathan," Aliya muttered, shaking her head as if pained when she saw my expression. "How do you manage to take everything I say in the exact opposite way that I mean it?"

I blinked, confused, and almost jumped out of my skin when she reached up with one hand and softly touched my cheek. "It's, umm, a talent," I muttered darkly, still unsure of what was going on. She almost smiled, running her warm fingers down my skin to rest her hand on my shoulder. I couldn't quite suppress a nervous shiver and sincerely hoped she hadn't noticed.

"Well, stop it! It's annoying," she said, but she was smiling, something that made no sense to me. It seemed a cold thing to do when you were telling someone to get lost. "And that pout face!" she added almost fondly, not removing her hand. "It's really cute, but you look so sad you're breaking my heart."

"But--" I started to protest, completely baffled. I hoped she wasn't playing games with me. I could handle remaining friends over time, but not if she was going to find amusement in my suffering.

"Shut up for a minute, will you?" Aliya said teasingly, tugging on my arm to get me to sit back again. I did so, facing her almost demandingly.

"All right," I agreed, pulling away from her to fold my arms across my chest as if trying to protect my heart from further injury. "I'm listening."

"Good. Nathan, I am not telling you that you've done anything wrong, or that I only want to be your teacher. In fact, I came out here tonight with the intention of telling you... Well, that I... I no longer think of you as just my student, or even as my friend... All right?"

"Oh..." I said dejectedly, hanging my head as I realized that she didn't want any connection to me at all. It wasn't just that she lacked romantic interest in me as I had feared... She didn't even like me. I nearly gave up on hiding my hurt as the waves of sorrow and loss washed over me. I had always heard that being rejected by a woman hurt, but the pain I felt was indescribable.

"Nathan!" Aliya shouted almost angrily a moment later, making me jump as she broke my spell of self-loathing. "You moron, I'm trying to tell you that I love you!"

Silence hung in the air for nearly a minute after her voice had echoed through the woods around us and faded, leaving us to stare at each other, stunned speechless. I was pretty sure my heart stopped for a moment before starting up again, pounding so hard in my chest that the birds in the trees probably heard it. I blinked as if I had just been smacked upside the head and found that I couldn't even form words when I tried to speak. Aliya sat at my side, her head down, staring at the surface of the boulder as if afraid to move. I stared at her in shock, her confession slowly registering in my mind as I managed to breathe again.

"Nathan," the Professor suddenly spoke to me, and I almost jumped out of my skin. I'd been so focussed on the situation that I'd forgotten he was there. "I believe Aliya is awaiting your response."

"I know that! I just don't know what to say... I mean, no one ever said that to me before! Well, except Redd and Slym, and that does not count."

"Perhaps you should tell her of your feelings for her, now that she has done the same. I will offer you an example of how to proceed. You might tell her of the way in which you stay awake each night in your tent and stare in the direction of hers, wondering what--"

"No, no, I can do it myself!" I sighed, took a long, shaky breath, and focussed all the courage I'd ever had as a grin spread across my face. Finally, I moved in a little closer and hesitantly reached out with my right hand to touch her arm. Her muscles were so tense that I felt guilty for having any part in making her so uncomfortable. She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye, looking like a frightened child. I'd never seen her look so vulnerable before, and I wanted nothing more than to comfort her.

"I... I'm shocked," I managed to tell her, since it was the first thing that came to my mind. "I really didn't think you felt that way about me..."

"It wasn't obvious enough?" Aliya asked quietly, sounding almost miserable as she continued to look downward. "How many more times did I have to think about us together while we were mind linked for you to get the idea?"

"Oh," I said dumbly, recalling quite a few such events and blushing. "Well, I guess I thought about it, that it might be possible, but I didn't want to get my hopes up."

"What do you mean?" she asked, turning to face me again and seeming to relax a little. I looked heavenward as I put my thoughts in order, shaking my head at my own stupidity and the doubts that still remained.

"Just that... I guess I can't figure out why you'd want to be around someone like me." I dropped my hand from her arm and self-consciously looked away, lifting my fingers to absently trace over one of the scars around my right eye. "I was going to tell you that I loved you, but I thought you might... I dunno... laugh at me."

"Laugh at you?" Aliya asked indignantly, her eyes widening in surprise. "Why would I do that? Because of a few little scars?"

"Among other things..." I muttered, glancing down at my techno-organic arm in disgust.

Aliya sighed. "I'm really not that shallow, you know," she said, and though her voice was warm she still sounded a bit offended. "Maybe at first, people stare at you a little because you look different. Let them! What most people think doesn't matter, if they're not willing to get to know you for who you are. But I've been with you every day for the last three months now, and I've been inside your mind. Your appearance means absolutely nothing to me... Although I've always found you to be very attractive despite what you might think about yourself."

"You mean that?" I asked her shyly, looking at her with hope in my eyes. I never dared to dream I'd meet someone who wouldn't care that I had a virus with no cure, leaving me with scars on my face and a metallic arm. But when Aliya nodded, smiling and reaching out to take a hold of my hand, I knew I had found her.

Overwhelmed with relief and joy, I telepathically reached out to her almost by instinct and tried to open the link we'd formed during our practices. I was still surprised when she allowed it, opening her thoughts to me as I finally let her see exactly how I felt. I showed her all the things I couldn't put into words, feeling greatly relieved to be able to stop hiding my emotions from her. When she did the same, sharing her own most private thoughts and feelings with me, I reached out and took her in my arms, holding her tightly against my chest as if I feared she would be taken from me. I felt her arms go around me as she rested her head on my shoulder, and we clung to each other almost desperately for long moments before daring to move.

"We're so stupid," Aliya whispered, her eyes closed as she rested against me. I laughed lightly, absently running my hand along her back.

"Just stubborn, maybe," I corrected her, wanting badly to be able to freeze time. I knew I couldn't, but even the admission didn't dampen my spirits. There was always the future for us, after all, now that we had decided to be honest with each other. I knew we'd have to part before long as darkness fell over the forest, but I also knew with certainty that we'd be together again the next day, and every day thereafter. With our mind link firmly quieting any remaining doubts, I closed my eyes and lost myself in the moment, holding her protectively and vowing never to let go.

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