X-S: A Shoulder To Cry On

by Alicia McKenzie

Siku woke up at the sound of voices in the hall outside her door.

She blinked sleepily, and looked over at the window. It was still dark, not morning yet. The voices got louder, more agitated, and Siku began to get worried. She slid out of bed and padded over to the door, opening it slightly so that she could see what was going on.

Her dad was just coming out of his bedroom, grumbling under his breath. Uncle Logan was waiting for him, and he looked angry and nervous at the same time.

"Damn it, Hank, I should have chained Cyke to the nearest chair! What the hell does he think he's playing at, being gone overnight when Jean was so close to her due date?"

Daddy gave Logan his best disapproving look. Siku would have giggled if she hadn't been so anxious. "Logan, I hardly think that Scott would deliberately attempt to miss the birth of his child. Besides, Rogue will have him back here in an hour or so, and with this child being a potential telepath, it's going to take longer than that to coax her into leaving the womb."

"I still think--"

"Daddy?" Siku asked fretfully, pushing the door open and stepping out into the hall. "What's wrong?"

Hank started as he saw his daughter standing there, and Logan cleared his throat significantly, jerking his head towards the stairs.

"Nothing's wrong, Sunshine," he said soothingly. "But you need to go back to bed, now, all right? It's not time for you to be up yet."

"Is it Aunty Jean?" she asked, trembling. "Is the baby all right?"

"The baby's fine, Siku," Logan said gruffly, his gaze softening a bit. "Go back to bed, kiddo."

Siku obeyed, though she was still worried. It wasn't like Daddy not to tell her things. He usually liked answering her questions. But maybe he was just pre--preoccupied because it was time for the baby to come out of Aunty Jean's tummy. It scared her, though, that Uncle Logan was mad at Uncle Scott.

She went back to bed, pulling the covers up to her chin. It was warm, but for some reason she felt cold all of a sudden. No one had ever told her how a baby came out of a mother's tummy. But Daddy's a good doctor, she told herself firmly. He knows everything about stuff like this. He's not going to let anything happen to Aunty Jean. Still, it took her a long time to fall asleep again.

***

Logan climbed the stairs wearily, sighing as he looked out the window on the landing and saw the sun just beginning to rise above the trees. Just when I thought this night was going to go on forever, he thought wearily. But it seemed like a good sign to him, that the baby should be born at sunrise. He usually wasn't big on omens, but he'd take whatever he could get.

The upstairs hall was quiet and empty. Most of the X-Men weren't in residence. Jean had been increasingly foul-tempered the last few weeks, and everyone had decided to give her a little space. Even Hank had been planning to send Siku to his parents' farm. Now that wouldn't be neccessary, and Logan was looking forward to see Siku's reaction to little Rachel. He'd wake Siku up and take her down for some breakfast and maybe some cartoons, and then to the nursery. Jean, even as exhausted as she'd been, had been pretty insistent that Siku be introduced to her new cousin.

He opened Siku's door, and smiled to see her curled up in bed, clutching the stuffed animal that Jean and Scott had given her for her birthday last year, as if it were some kind of lucky charm. Maybe I ought to let her see Jean for a moment, just to reassure her. Red's so worn out, she probably wouldn't notice if the kid came in and jumped on her bed--

"Siku," he called softly. "Siku, wake up."

Siku rubbed her eyes and blinked up at him sleepily. Then her eyes went wide and she sat up, still clutching the stuffed animal. Logan smiled.

"You feel like some breakfast, kid?"

"Unca Logan, is the baby here yet?" she asked, ignoring his question. "Is it? Is Aunty Jean okay?"

"She's just fine, darlin'," Logan said fondly, ruffling Siku's hair. The girl grinned happily, her eyes sparkling. "And the baby's here, too. I'll take you to meet her as soon as you have some breakfast."

Siku got up and went to her dresser, sorting through her clothes. "I gotta get dressed," she informed Logan. "And comb my hair and brush my teeth."

Logan grinned. "I'm sure your cousin's not going to notice if you're in your pajamas, kid. But go ahead, and I'll meet you in the kitchen." He left the room, chuckling to himself as he closed the door behind him and went downstairs.

Just as he reached the bottom of the stairs, the door opened and Cable walked in, still wearing his uniform and looking about ready to drop. Logan raised an eyebrow at his somewhat battered appearance.

"Look what the cat dragged in. Where have you been, Nate?"

"Trust me, Logan, you don't want to know," Cable said with a brief laugh, and his eyes went distant as he telepathically scanned the mansion. Logan waited, trying to hold back a grin as Cable's expression became first stunned, then jubilant. He glanced over at Logan, a smile playing around his lips. "Called Muir Island yet?" he asked softly. "Kitty's got a promise to keep, if I'm not mistaken."

"She's getting on the next Concorde," Logan said, for the first time in a long time feeling nothing but warmth towards Cable. "And you, bub, need to clean yourself up before you go to see either your sister or Jean."

"The latter particularly," Cable said wryly. "The last thing Jean needs right now is to feel obligated to scold me." He looked over Logan's shoulder with a smile. "Good morning, Sikudhani. You're up early."

Siku came down the stairs hesitantly, her wariness all too plain to Logan. "Hello, Cousin Nathan," she said in a stiff, precise voice.

Cable sighed, looking faintly pained. "I'll see you in a while, Logan. Enjoy your breakfast, Siku."

Siku flinched slightly as he went past her and up the stairs. She looked down at Uncle Logan guiltily, and he shook his head at her.

"Siku, I've told you before, you don't need to be afraid of him. He doesn't eat little girls, and he is family, after all."

"I know," Siku said, taking Logan's hand as they headed towards the kitchen. "But I don't understand. Unca Bobby told me once that he's Unca Scott's son, but he's so old!"

Logan chuckled. "Siku, you're going to need to be a lot older before you can understand the explanation behind that. I still have trouble with it sometimes. But Nate is Scott's son, believe me when I say that. So he is your cousin."

"Is he Aunty Jean's son too?"

"Not really--well, in a way," Logan admitted. "I told you, Siku, it's confusing." A brilliant idea occurred to him. "Why don't you ask Nate?" After all, he was the time-traveler, so he'd probably be able to explain the paradoxes to Siku in a way she could understand. Of course, he'd have to gloss over some things, like Madelyne--

"Maybe," Siku muttered as they walked into the kitchen. As Uncle Logan made her some cereal and himself some eggs and bacon, Siku wondered why he wanted her to talk to Cousin Nathan. Siku had always thought that they didn't really like each other. Besides, she wasn't really afraid of Cousin Nathan--although he was really big. Uncle Logan could be really scary, after all, and she wasn't afraid of him. Cousin Nathan was just so sad all the time. His voice might be deep and scary, but she just felt like crying whenever he looked at her.

She didn't understand why her aunts and uncles didn't see it. But then again, most of them acted really uncomfortable around him too, except for Aunty Jean. Even Uncle Scott, who was supposed to be Cousin Nathan's father, treated him really funny. Like he felt guilty towards him, or something. They certainly didn't act like she and Daddy did. She wondered if that was what made Cousin Nathan so sad.

Siku barely picked at her meal, and Logan eventually decided to cut the abortive breakfast short. "Let's go, kiddo," he said, and Siku got up to join him with markedly less enthusiasm than she'd shown upstairs. He wondered at that, but said nothing as they made their way down to the nursery.

Little Rachel wasn't in her crib. Logan realized that Hank must have taken her back in to Jean, probably for breakfast. "C'mon, Siku," he said. "I think your cousin's probably with Aunty Jean. Let's go up to her room and see if we can visit."

A few minutes later, Siku was standing at her aunt Jean's bedside, watching her new cousin wrinkle her face up and wave her little hands around. "She's so tiny," Siku said in amazement, and Aunty Jean, though she looked pale and really tired, laughed.

"Well, she only just arrived, Siku. Give her a few months, and she'll get bigger." Jean smiled as Rachel gave a little cough and tried to hit her mother in the nose. "Goodness, you're a feisty little thing, kiddo."

"Must take after her mother," Uncle Scott said. He was sitting beside Aunty Jean on the bed, his arm around her. He reached out, and stroked the silky hair on the baby's head. "Red hair," he said in a funny voice, as if he couldn't quite believe it.

Siku stared at Aunty Jean and little Rachel, feeling a funny ache in her chest. "She's really pretty," she said, although Rachel was really kind of wrinkled and funny-looking. Aunty Jean gave her a knowing, affectionate look-- probably knowing everything I'm thinking, Siku thought resentfully.

"Thank you, Siku," she said, and gave a yawn. Siku looked up to see her father standing at her side. He smiled down at her.

"Why don't you run along and give Aunty Jean time to get a little rest?" he suggested gently. "Besides, I think Rachel might be hungry." Almost on cue, the baby started to fuss, and Hank chuckled. "You can come back and visit again later today, Siku."

Siku went up on her tiptoes and kissed Aunty Jean on the cheek. "Bye," she said, still feeling funny about everything, and left quickly, before her dad could say anything else to her.

She went quickly through the halls until she reached the door outside. Once she was out on the grass, she started to run, sniffling. It wasn't fair. Little Rachel was so lucky, to have a great mommy as well as a daddy and a house full of aunts and uncles. As much as Siku loved her family, she still sometimes wondered about her own mother. Aunty Jean had given her lots of good reasons why her mother might have had to give her up, but still--

"Siku, what are you doing?"

Siku gave a terrified squeak and came to an abrupt halt, tumbling onto the wet grass. Strong hands lifted her up, set her back on her feet.

Siku wiped her clothes, furious at herself for letting them get dirty, and then looked up to see who had startled her.

"Hi," she said to Cousin Nathan. "I was--uh, I was--exercising."

"Exercising," Cable said with a faint smile. "Of course you were." That sounded almost sarcastic, and Siku got mad.

"I was, too! You don't know anything!"

Cable sighed, and Siku saw that he looked sorry. "You're right, Siku. I'm sorry that I disturbed you." He turned to go, and Siku abruptly remembered what Uncle Logan had said.

"No, I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I shouldn't have yelled at you. It was rude."

Cable turned back, and gave her a more sincere smile. "Hank's certainly been teaching your manners, Siku. Well, now that we've both apologized, do you want to go back to your exercising?"

"No, I guess not." Siku frowned, curious. "Did you see Rachel yet?"

"Yes, I did," Cable said, looking sad again. "She's a pretty baby, isn't she? Jean and Scott seem really happy."

Siku reached forward and took his hand. Cable looked startled for a moment, and Siku gave him an uncertain smile. "Did you ever have a baby?" she asked curiously.

"Not me, personally--" Cable answered a little awkwardly.

"Silly!" Siku giggled. "I know that it's the woman who has the babies. Were you ever married, like Aunty Jean and Unca Scott?"

"Yes I was," Cable answered, and the sadness in his eyes was so awful that Siku almost started to cry. "Her name was Aliya, and we had a little boy, named Tyler."

"What happened to them?" she asked very quietly, not sure that she wanted to know.

Cable sighed. "They--died, Siku." He hoped that Hank had talked to her about death--he'd hate to scare the child. "Why don't we go back to the mansion?" he said, deliberately trying to change the subject.

"I'm sorry," Siku said, feeling guilty. "I shouldn't have asked. I'm nosy." Her dad was going to be mad at her, when he found out about this.

"You're not nosy, Siku," Cable said. "Children are supposed to be curious. It's just hard for me to remember Aliya and Tyler. It still hurts too much."

She looked up at him, amazed at how he'd forgiven her. He looked like the sort of person that would get really mad at you if you hurt their feelings, but she guessed she shouldn't have thought that, since she didn't really know him. What did Daddy call it that time? Making a--snap judgement? They started back across the lawn towards the mansion, still hand-in-hand.

"So," Cousin Nathan said, "are you going to tell me why you were out here?"

"I guess," Siku said, feeling a little ashamed of herself. "I was just--jealous of Rachel, I think. She's got such a great mommy, and I don't have one. It's silly, I know."

"No, it's not," Cable said immediately. Siku looked up at him and realized he was telling the truth, not just trying to make her feel better. "If you want to know, I feel a little jealous of her myself. She's got a brand-new life to live, parents who will always be there for her--" Now it was Cousin Nathan who looked ashamed of himself, Siku saw.

"Is Aunty Jean your mommy too?" she asked timidly.

"She raised me when I was a little boy," Cable answered, and then saw Siku's confused look. "Ah--sorry, Siku. Someday I'll sit down and explain it all to you--when you have a month or two to spare."

"So she--wasn't your mommy, not really?" Siku ventured.

"No, not really," Cable said heavily. "My real mother--got sick and died when I was just a baby." He stopped, looking down at Siku measuringly. "Look, maybe we should stop talking about me. I don't want to depress you."

"But Unca Logan said I should ask you about these things."

"Oh, he did, did he?" Cable said, looking unamused. Siku flinched, and Cable immediately looked repentant. "Don't do that, Siku, I'm not mad at you." He sighed, and knelt down in front of her. "Look, Siku. I know that thinking about your mother makes you feel bad. I feel the same way."

"But I feel angry!" Siku said, blinking back tears. "Then I feel bad about myself, for being angry at her. Sometimes I just want to meet her and ask her why she gave me up. Aunty Jean told me that there might be lots of reasons, but how do I know which one is right?"

"You don't," Cousin Nathan said levelly. "You can't ever know why another person chose to do what they did. Even telepaths, like Jean and I, can never be sure."

"But that's stupid!" Siku wailed. "How am I ever going to feel good about her if I never understand her? And what if she gave me up just because she didn't want me, or didn't love me?"

"Siku--" Cousin Nathan stared at her, looking as if he didn't know what to say. Then he reached out and gave her a hug. It felt good. She cried for a few minutes, and he just held her, stroking her hair gently and not saying anything, just being there for her like Daddy or Unca Logan or Aunty Jean would have.

When she'd trailed off into sniffles, he let her go with a sigh.

"Siku, I can't give you answers to those questions," he said, a serious look in his eyes. "Those are things that people like us have to find out for ourselves, as we go through life." She nodded. "But you have to remember that we're both a lot luckier than other kids who might not have a mother or a father, or either parent. Our family might be a little--strange, but they love us both. They'll always be there for us." He smiled, and Siku realized that he had been crying too. "I think I forget that, sometimes. Comes from too many years of trying to live my life alone, and convincing myself that I didn't need anyone else."

"But it's fun to have lots of aunts and uncles, isn't it?" Siku asked, determined to cheer him up. After all, he had made her feel better. She giggled, and he gave her a questioning look. "Even if you don't get along with some of your uncles."

"Oh, you noticed that, did you?" he asked her, and suddenly he didn't look so sad anymore. He was actually grinning at her. "And who would these 'some' uncles be?"

"Unca Remy, Unca Bishop, and Unca Logan," Siku said, ticking them off on her fingers. "Unca Logan especially. He says bad words about you sometimes when you call to talk to Aunty Jean or Unca Scott or Unca Sam."

"You're a very perceptive young lady, Siku," he said gravely, and together they headed back towards the mansion, entering through the kitchen door.

At the table were Logan, Bobby and Hank, calmly eating breakfast. Hank raised an eyebrow as he saw his daughter and Cable arriving together.

"What have you two been up to?"

"Talking about families," Siku said. She pulled on Cable's hand, and he leaned down, a curious look on his face. She kissed him quickly on the cheek, surprised to see him go red. "Bye, Cousin Nathan," she said, backing away. "I'm going to go make a welcome card for Rachel."

"I think she'll like that, Siku," Cable said as he straightened. He gave the three X-Men at the table a warning look as Siku ran from the room and upstairs.

"Well," Logan said, a little surprised. "The two of you seem to have solved your differences. What did you say to her?"

"Oh, it was more what she said to me." Cable said, a peculiar look on his face as he sat down at the table. "She asked me a lot of questions. Questions she told me you told her to ask--Uncle Logan."

"Don't you start, Nate," Logan growled.

"Why? I'm just doing it to irritate you--Uncle Logan."

"I swear, Cable, if you don't stop that, we're going to make a little appointment in the Danger Room so that I can beat the crap out of you. Are we clear?"

"Crystal--Uncle Logan."

fin

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