DISCLAIMER: Do I really need one? I guess I do. :) Cable and any other characters are Marvel's. I'm just using them for cheap laughs. NOTE: ( ) indicate editorial comments my poor beleagured Nate-fictive made when I was picking his brain. You think he'd be GLAD I took the day off from torturing him, but NO...


'Cable's Contribution' - An Addendum To The Askani Book Of Proverbs

by Alicia McKenzie


Timing is everything. (Well, that one was obvious.)

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Destiny is bunk. (And yes, I know I'm misquoting Henry Ford--want to make something of it?)

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The idea that the future is malleable is reassuring, but not particularly accurate. The future is a vindictive, malevolent thing with a nasty sense of humor that needs the shit kicked out of it before it'll settle into an acceptable pattern.

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When you're a Summers, 'family-reunion' is the mother of all four-letter words. (Especially when it comes to making up the seating plan; you never know, on any given day, who's not going to be able to keep his/her hands away from someone else's throat.)

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It is not a sin to find Moira's coffee palatable. Coffee is coffee. (No one NEEDS to know I always slip in a little Jack Daniels on the side.)

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Thinking up witty one-liners to throw at your opponents messes with your concentration. (I much prefer the simple eloquence of techno-organic steel hitting bone.)

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The next time you take off to the future, make sure you leave a note to tell the kids not to wait up.

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A friendly piece of advice: Freedom of speech is a beautiful thing, but it's best to stifle comments about 'phallic substitutes' when the person you're speaking to is busy singing a lullaby to his favorite plasma rifle. (Don't grin at me, Dom.)

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Everyone has a double out there somewhere. But when they start spontaneously multiplying, you're allowed to worry.

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If you ask Blaquesmith for fashion tips, check to make sure he's not manipulating you telepathically. (I mean, purple and yellow? Someone shoot me.)

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If someone should happen to point out the hypocrisy inherent in a group that teaches 'what is, is' and then runs around trying to change the timestream, don't take it personally. Just smile, nod, and blame it on Rachel. What else are big sisters for?

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Telling Shatterstar not to charge blindly into battle is all well and good, but bringing a leash is a wise precaution.

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Make sure the flonqing world IS ending before you decide to play tonsil-hockey with your partner.

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If a woman has been with both your father and the high-and-mighty Master of Magnetism, common sense says keep your distance. If you don't listen, it's your own fault if you get stuck in a hurricane and tormented by a bored demon and brought to Limbo against your will to do the dirty work for a goat-faced sorceror with delusions of grandeur.

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Playing stupid and pretending you don't know your 'foster parents' were really Scott and Jean in cloned bodies is really not very nice. (But oath, it's fun...)

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'I'm saving the world; I don't have time for a social life' is a perfectly acceptable response should Domino ever return the favor and ask YOU on a date.

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You can say 'I'm not an X-Man' until the world falls down, but until you stop playing 'imitation is the sincerest form of flattery' with your father and get rid of the blue and gold costume with all the X's, no one's going to believe you.

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Hogging the shower after your worst enemy just spent the day in control of your body is a normal, perfectly acceptable reaction. And if any of your students complain that you're using up all the hot water, target practice is in order.

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Mercy is one of the great human virtues. But if you repeatedly spare the life of an enemy who then turns around and keeps coming back for more, get a clue and SHOOT the bastard already!

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*@#% the diplomatic approach.


[FOOTER]