Letters From The Edge

by Alicia McKenzie

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: slyms@xavier.edu
Subject: checking up on you
Date: Fri, 22 Jun 2001, 06:09:43 -0500

Nate,

You gave me this address once, remember? You said that it was secure, and promised I could always reach you through that. I'm hoping that's still true, because none of the usual ways of tracking you down have worked. Charles would really like to know why he can't find you, by the way.

Part of me is glad that he can't. He's a little unhappy with you lately. Keeps rattling on about how you're misusing certain God-given talents, that sort of thing. I'm getting very tired of hearing him harp on the subject. So how about coming home and telling him to mind his own business?

I've been watching the news. Strange doings in the world of politics these days. E.T. phone home, please? Jean and I need to know you're all right.

Scott
 

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: slyms@xavier.edu
Subject: pondering taking you over my knee
Date: Sunday, 24 Jun 2001, 17:05:12 -0500

I could, you know. On my own, even. Nur might have stolen nearly a year of my life, but the physical changes that got left behind when Jean yanked him out of me really come in handy.

Speaking of Jean, would you just please get in touch with her? It doesn't have to be a long, drawn-out conversation. Just talk to her. Please.

Scott

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: slyms@xavier.edu
Subject: empty nest syndrome
Date: Wed, 27 Jun 2001, 01:04:48 -0500

I'm beginning to appreciate the irony. Jean tells me that you spent more time around here while I was 'gone' than you ever did before, even when you and the kids were living at the mansion.

I'm beginning to feel unloved. You don't want that, do you?

Anyhow, moving on. You might be surprised to know that you've been the subject of a lot of discussions around here lately. Not just between me and Jean, either. Usually the others try to have theirs when she and I aren't in the vicinity, but Jean eavesdrops. One of her more delightful bad habits, I've always thought.

What have they been saying, you ask? Well, they're all convinced you've lost it. That you've had some kind of psychological lapse, and decided to deal with it by getting trigger-happy. Warren keeps claiming that it was only a matter of time. He has a very low opinion of you, I'm afraid. You need to come back and laugh in his face.

Jean's still waiting, Nate. She's been spending far too many hours in the day looking for you, but I don't have the heart to tell her to ease up a little. Mostly because if I could, I'd be doing it right along beside her.

Get in touch. Please.

Scott

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: reddsummers@xavier.edu
Subject: Nathan!
Date: Sun, 01 Jul 2001, 11:01:04 -0500

Enough of this. I'm getting sick of Scott moping and fretting every time he opens his email and finds out you haven't written.

You, me, where you used to meet Maddie. Tonight. I'll be waiting.

Jean

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: reddsummers@xavier.edu
Subject: getting a little irked
Date: Mon, 02 Jul 2001, 23:45:38 -0500

I'm beginning to think I should have spanked you more as a child. Wait--I never did, did I? Although I came pretty close, that time you jumped into the river on the way to Crestcoast. Mostly because you scared me, sort of like you're scaring me (and Scott) now.

Do you have any idea what it's like to know that you're the target of so much 'official attention'? I don't believe any of it, Scott doesn't believe any of it, but the people looking for you aren't going to care about the truth. They have their job to do, and I'm so afraid you're going to wind up getting hurt.

You don't have to deal with this all alone, Nate. Please, just meet me at the cabin. You know what I'm talking about.

Jean

To: reddsummers@xavier.edu
From: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
Subject: Re: getting a little irked
Date: Wed, 04 Jul 2001, 02:44:03 -0500

No. And tell Scott to stop emailing me. I'm fine.

N

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: slyms@xavier.edu
Subject: progress
Date: Thurs, 05 Jul 2001, 12:32:04 -0500

Nathan,

I realize I should be grateful that you took time out of your busy schedule to drop us a line. It must be so very tedious to have to waste precious moments reassuring your paranoid family that you're all right. My humblest apologies for the imposition.

Your repentant father,

Scott

To: slyms@xavier.edu
From: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
Subject: Re: progress
Date: Fri, 06 Jul 2001, 01:22:45 -0500

Scott,

I know you're angry, but it's better this way. Don't worry about me.

And don't believe everything you see on TV, either.

N

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: slyms@xavier.edu
Subject: better for whom?
Date: Fri, 06 Jul 2001, 20:58:33 -0500

>I know you're angry, but it's better this way. Don't worry about me.

You can't be serious. First of all, when you tell me not to worry, I know that there's something to worry about. 'Don't worry' in Nathan-speak translates into 'I'm in trouble and sinking fast, but I'm too stubborn to ask for help'.

Secondly, you should know better than to think I'm going to let you brush me off like that. Especially when I know how much trouble you're in.

>And don't believe everything you see on TV, either.

I don't. Surely you know I don't. But they're hunting you like an animal, Nate. You may not have done what they say you have, but you shouldn't be trying to deal with this on your own.

GET IN TOUCH WITH JEAN. She's listening so hard that I think she'd hear you if you whispered her name on the other side of the world.

Scott

To: slyms@xavier.edu
From: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
Subject: Freudian slips
Date: Sat, 07 Jul 2001, 05:33:41 -0500

>You may not have done what they say you have,

'May not have'? If you want me to believe you when you say something, Scott, you should watch your wording a little more carefully.

But I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. You've always made it clear you disapprove of the way I handle things. It's not that much of a stretch, I suppose. I kill people regularly, so who's to say that I'm not capable of slaughtering my way through the American political leadership?

I suppose I am. If I had a good reason, which I don't.

N

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From slyms@xavier.edu
Subject: reading too much into things
Date: Sat, 07 Jul 2001, 10:54:21 -0500

I know you tend to over-analyse things, Nathan, but this is going overboard, even for you. I didn't mean anything of the sort, and you know that. Whatever issues we've had in the past over your methods, I don't believe you're responsible for these deaths.

But you're afraid I do have doubts, aren't you? Jean showed me the letters she sent to you. She told you we didn't believe any of it, so why did you feel the need to tell me not to believe what I saw on TV? Are you worried about what I'm really thinking about all of this?

If you really want to know what I'm thinking, come home and take a look for yourself. All you have to do is ask.

Scott

To: slyms@xavier.edu
From: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
Subject: getting repetitive
Date: Wed, 11 Jul 2001, 03:35:01 -0500

Coming home would involve having a home. I don't. I don't like the mansion. I don't want anything to do with Xavier, or the X-Men. Leaving was the only absolutely right thing I've done in the last few months.

Are you getting the message here?

N

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: slyms@xavier.edu
Subject: compromise
Date: Wed, 11 Jul 2001, 15:12:55 -0500

Then Jean and I will meet you in Alaska, or wherever you like. Just name the place.

Scott

To: slyms@xavier.edu
From: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
Subject: Re: compromise
Date: Fri, 13 Jul 2001, 23:34:35 -0500

>Then Jean and I will meet you in Alaska, or wherever you like. Just name the place.

I don't think so.

N

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: slyms@xavier.edu
Subject: geographical problem
Date: Sat, 14 Jul 2001, 09:35:21 -0500

I'm having trouble locating 'I don't think so' on the map. Is it a phonetic version of one of those mile-long New England names, maybe?

That was a joke, by the way.

Scott

To: slyms@xavier.edu
From: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
Subject: Re: geographical problem
Date: Mon, 16 Jul 2001, 05:31:35 -0500

And it wasn't funny.

N

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: slyms@xavier.edu
Subject: please answer!
Date: Wed, 25 Jul 2001, 23:41:14 -0500

Nathan,

Jean was on Cerebra tonight, looking for you. She says she caught a flare on the astral plane that she's positive was you in pain, but you threw your shields up again or something and she lost you. Are you all right? Do you need help?

Scott

To: slyms@xavier.edu
From: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
Subject: Re: please answer
Date: Thurs, 26 Jul 2001, 18:02:22 -0500

I'm okay. Tell Jean I didn't mean to scare her.

N

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: reddsummers@xavier.edu
Subject: you're fine?
Date: Thurs, 26 Jul 2001, 20:12:14 -0500

You didn't mean to scare me? You wait until I catch up with you, Nathan Christopher.

Listen to me, though. You can't be sure you're all right. To me, it felt like you were on the receiving end of a psi-attack, and you can't be positive there wasn't any damage, not until another telepath takes a look at you. Please, just contact me. I can do it at a distance. You don't even have to let me see where you are.

Jean

To: reddsummers@xavier.edu
From: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
Subject: Re: you're fine?
Date: Fri, 27 Jul 2001, 04:44:11 -0500

Nice try.

N

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: slyms@xavier.edu
Subject: wondering
Date: Fri, 03 Aug 2001, 09:27:12 -0500

I'm wondering how long you're going to keep this up. How much longer are you going to make me check my email obsessively, hoping that you've deigned to send me a couple of lines telling me you're all right?

It really is funny, you know. After you and Jean rescued me, I had all these grand plans about how I was going to finally make some changes in my life. I was going to make a fresh start, break all my old bad habits. I wasn't going to keep running blindly down the path that got me into that mess with Nur in the first place. I'd been given my life back, and I was going to live it differently.

And yet here I am. Back with the X-Men, still unable to leave with Jean and start a real life together. Still wondering where the hell my son is, and whether he's going to get himself killed this week. Nothing ever changes.

Scott

To: slyms@xavier.edu
From: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
Subject: Re: wondering
Date: Sun, 05 Aug 2001, 03:03:12 -0500

Fuck you. I mean it. How dare you try and make me feel guilty about this? You have no idea what's going on, no clue what I'm trying to do.

Do us both a favor and leave it alone.

N

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: slyms@xavier.edu
Subject: hit a nerve, did I?
Date: Sun, 05 Aug 2001, 10:18:01 -0500

I was intending to, but I didn't expect that sort of response. Then again, I know very well you have a problem with excessive, unwarranted guilt, so maybe it shouldn't have been a surprise. Believe it or not, though, I wasn't trying to make you feel guilty. I was just telling you how I felt.

I do feel trapped. I still have a sense of duty to Charles, when all is said and done, and I have to admit that I still believe in his ideals. I just have my doubts about his methods. Not the same doubts I have about yours, but they're persistent.

This turned into a philosophical discussion while I wasn't looking, didn't it? I hate the way our conversations have of doing that (if you can call this a conversation--bear with me, I'm stretching). I always seem to stray from the point when I'm trying to talk to you.

I don't believe you've ever actually told me to fuck off before. I suppose that's a new level in our relationship.

And yes, that was a joke,

Scott

To: slyms@xavier.edu
From: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
Subject: the easiest solution
Date: Wed, 08 Aug 2001, 04:22:15 -0500

If you're feeling trapped, leave. Exercise your free will, tell Xavier to drop dead, and go. It might even feel good.

You're just wasting your time, you know. Xavier's way doesn't work. You should have realized that by now.

N

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: slyms@xavier.edu
Subject: detecting some hostility here
Date: Wed, 08 Aug 2001, 09:25:18 -0500

Actually, a lot of hostility. Do you have some particular problem with Charles these days? Given your attitude, and his comments about you lately, I had to ask.

Scott

To: slyms@xavier.edu
From: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
Subject: Re: detecting some hostility here
Date: Sun, 12 Aug 2001, 03:02:18 -0500

>Do you have some particular problem with Charles lately?

He's evil. He's a bald, evil little man with delusions of godhood. I'm the only one allowed to have delusions like that, you know.

I wonder, did any of those discussions you were talking about touched on my messiah complex? After all, a messiah with nothing to do has a problem, doesn't he? A martyr with no more holy cause has a void in his life. I wonder what he'll use to fill it.

N

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: slyms@xavier.edu
Subject: bribe
Date: Sun, 12 Aug 2001, 11:13:45 -0500

Nate,

I went out this morning and bought a whole pound of Jamaica Blue Mountain coffee. I can only keep it away from the other coffee-fiends for a limited amount of time, though.

I could have a fresh pot waiting for you.

Scott

To: slyms@xavier.edu
From: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
Subject: sounds nice
Date: Tue, 14 Aug 2001, 04:10:56 -0500

But I haven't been in the mood for coffee lately. I haven't been sleeping well, and I know caffeine would make that worse. The smell of coffee makes me nauseous sometimes, too. That's never happened before. Kind of funny, right?

I don't know why I'm writing this. I told you to stop emailing me, didn't I? I wish you would. It's too hard to focus, when I keep thinking about you and Jean. You wouldn't like what I'm doing, and I'm so tired of feeling like I have to hide things.

It was stupid of me to think it would end when Apocalypse died. I barely had a chance to catch my breath. And now I'm apparently the greatest political assassin of the modern day, and I can't do a thing to clear up that little misunderstanding, not now. Besides, even if the truth came out, no one would believe it. No one would want to believe it.

No one ever sees me. I don't think I've ever been without a mask. I just keep replacing them when they break.

N

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: slyms@xavier.edu
Subject: the timestamps on your messages
Date: Tue, 14 Aug 2001, 15:18:01 -0500

Are you sleeping at all? You've been sending me email at some really strange hours of the morning, you know. Between that and the content of your messages, you're not doing a very good job at reassuring me you're all right. The coffee thing is just plain frightening, Nate. If Jean were there, she'd been checking to see if you were feverish, I'm sure.

About the rest of it--I don't quite know what to say. After I read your message, I asked Logan if he knew of any way to find you that the rest of us hadn't tried. He promised he'd look into it. I know you won't be happy to hear that, Nate. But that last message of yours frightened me, and I can't just sit here.

Maybe that's a lack of trust on my part, but I can't help it.

Scott

To: logan@xavier.edu
From: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
Subject: fair warning
Date: Wed, 15 Aug 2001, 01:34:14 -0500

If you stick your nose into my business, hairball, I'll shoot it off. I don't care what you promised Scott.

N

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: logan@xavier.edu
Subject: Re: fair warning
Date: Thurs, 16 Aug 2001, 11:25:02 -0500

Pipe down, Twinkle-Face. Generally I don't do Cyke's dirty work for him, but you've got him and Jean good and spooked this time.

You remember what I told you I'd do if you ever broke her heart?

Logan

P.S.: If you don't want to get them involved, don't. But if you need a hand, let me know.

To: slyms@xavier.edu
From: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
Subject: Logan
Date: Sat, 18 Aug 2001, 04:45:33 -0500

Scott, if you show him any more of my messages, I swear I'll stop writing. He actually offered to help, can you believe that? As if I want anything to do with the murdering bastard. I don't know how you can stand to be around him, after what he did. What he was. I wonder how he'd feel if he knew I had nightmares, afterwards, about him holding that sword to Cal's throat when I was fighting Apocalypse.

I shouldn't have given up that day. I should have kept fighting. Maybe none of this would have happened if I had.

N

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: slyms@xavier.edu
Subject: what is, is
Date: Sat, 18 Aug 2001, 19:23:03 -0500

Don't hate me for the subject line. It just popped into mind. But you should know as well as I do that what's done is done. No one blames you for surrendering to save Caliban's life that day. It was the right thing to do, Nathan. You have to see that.

As for Logan--I think he'd be bothered to know about the nightmares. Having been Death haunts him more than any of us understand, I think. Did you ever talk to him about it, Nate? I did. He had to make a choice, too. It didn't turn out very well for him in the end, either, but he made it for the right reasons. The same reasons that made you decide to stop fighting that day.

As for him being a murdering bastard--are you sure this is about his time as a Horseman?

Scott

To: slyms@xavier.edu
From: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
Subject: always been curious
Date: Tue, 21 Aug 2001, 02:24:03 -0500

Why does everyone seem to think that my problems with Logan come back to Tyler in the end? Maybe they did, once upon a time, but why should I continue to hold a grudge now? After all, I helped wipe out that future. He'll never be born, now. It doesn't matter anymore what he did to Logan or what Logan did to him. Just because he's in my memories doesn't make me real.

N

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: slyms@xavier.edu
Subject: talk about your Freudian slips...
Date: Tue, 21 Aug 2001, 17:34:01 -0500

>Just because he's in my memories doesn't make me real.

'Me'? Tell me you meant 'him', Nate.

Scott

To: slyms@xavier.edu
From: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
Subject: Re: talk about your Freudian slips..
Date: Fri, 24 Aug 2001, 11:12:05 -0500

I meant him, Scott.

Don't take my last few letters too seriously, all right? I haven't been myself lately. Not enough sleep, that sort of thing. Plus, I think Jean was right, and my little incident last month did knock me for a bit of a loop. I feel a lot better now, though. I just slept for about twenty hours straight.

Anyhow, I want you to think about something, all right? In the area of the world where we lived while you and Jean and I were together in my time, the 'age of emancipation' was generally twelve years old. When you were twelve, you were an adult, fully responsible for your own actions. You could even be conscripted legally in most territories.

What I'm trying to point out is that despite everything, I actually had you and Jean looking after me for a little longer than I would have, if we'd been a traditional thirty-eighth century family. You finished the job, so don't feel like you owe me anything. I've been on my own, rightfully, for a long time now. I know what I'm doing, so don't worry.

And I think I'm going to go back to bed for a bit. Still pretty tired.

N

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: slyms@xavier.edu
Subject: glad to hear you're feeling better
Date: Fri, 24 Aug 2001, 19:05:22 -0500

Actually, to hell with the niceties. I donāt know what you think Iām trying to do here, Nate. I know damned well that you can take care of yourself better than most people, and youāre certainly old enough that you donāt need parenting in the traditional sense. But that doesnāt mean Iāve lost the right to care about what happens to you. Stop telling me not to worry.

For your information, I do remember the whole 'age of emancipation' thing. I also remember that in far too many cases I saw, the unit just kicked their twelve year-old out to fend for themselves. I don't deny that children grew up a hell of a lot faster in the future, but that didn't stop a lot of them from starving on the streets or getting scooped up for the gene pits. Is that the model you really think we should be following?

There I go again. Getting off-topic. You did that deliberately, didnāt you? I do notice it when you try to change the subject. Youāre awfully good at it, donāt get me wrong. Youāve turned being evasive into an art-form, and I'm tired of it, Nathan. You don't want to tell me where you are and what you're doing? Fine. I'm perfectly okay with that.

I'm finished letting you manipulate me.

Scott

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: slyms@xavier.edu
Subject: apology
Date: Wed, 29 Aug 2001, 18:35:05 -0500

I'm sorry for the end of that last letter, Nate. I was out of line.

I've always known there are things you can't tell me, for one reason or another. I'd just hoped that all of them were in the past, now that Nur's dead.

Please write back. If this is all the conversation the circumstances will let us manage, I don't want to give up on it.

Scott

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: slyms@xavier.edu
Subject: are you there?
Date: Tue, 04 Sep 2001, 14:15:03 -0500

If you don't want to carry on a conversation via email, that's fine. It's a clumsy medium anyway. Just please drop me a line or two, and let me know that you're all right.

Scott

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: slyms@xavier.edu
Subject: is this some attempt to punish me?
Date: Mon, 10 Sept 2001, 09:24:05 -0500

Because if it is, it's working. Happy? I'm good and miserable. Now will you please just let me know if you're okay?

Scott

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: slyms@xavier.edu
Subject: please answer
Date: Fri, 14 Sept 2001, 00:24:35 -0500

Please. Two words would be enough, Nate. Try it. 'I'm okay'. That's not so hard, is it?

Scott

To: slyms@xavier.edu
From: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
Subject: explanation
Date: Mon, 17 Sept 2001, 18:18:35 -0500

Scott,

I wasn't ignoring you, or trying to punish you. I was away, that's all. Things got sort of complicated and it took a while to get back to my email.

I guess it's been a few weeks, hasn't it? I didn't realize it had been that long. I sort of lost track of time, if you can believe that. You know I don't do that very often, and I really didn't mean to do it this time. Trust me, I didn't plan any of this. It was sort of a transportation problem. I got stuck somewhere for a while, that's all.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm sorry. And pick your jaw up off the floor. No more Askani-future, remember? I can apologize if I want to. All right, so that sounds a little petulant, but anyhow.

I'm okay, Scott.

N

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: slyms@xavier.edu
Subject: apology accepted
Date: Mon, 17 Sept 2001, 23:15:04 -0500

I'm glad you're okay. I suppose it's not realistic to think that people living our sort of lifestyle are in a position to check their email regularly, but I was just really worried. I didn't mean to nag.

Anyhow, I told myself, when I saw your letter in my inbox, that I was going to stop trying to read between the lines, and just take what you said at face value. That particular resolution lasted for about the amount of time it took me to actually read your letter. I justify it by assuming that you wouldn't really expect me to do anything else, given how vague you were.

You know what came to mind while I was reading it? I was remembering the way you used to act when you were a child and something had given you a good scare. You never wanted to admit it when you were frightened. You always tried to push it away or at the very least tough it out. It's reassuring, in a funny way, to see that some things don't change.

If you want to talk about it, though, I'm always here.

Scott

To: slyms@xavier.edu
From: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
Subject: it's complicated
Date: Thurs, 20 Sept 2001, 23:01:35 -0500

I'm almost positive you don't want to know all the details. It's something I have to do, and I know it's the right thing to do. It's just very messy and unpredictable. I'm working without a rope, these days. It's not like it was before. At least then, everything was cut and dried.

I am fine, though. All things considered, there were worse places to be stranded for a couple weeks. Once I catch up on my sleep I'll be as good as new.

N

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: slyms@xavier.edu
Subject: the world would stop turning...
Date: Fri, 21 Sept 2001, 09:25:18 -0500

If you caught up on your sleep, I mean. It'd be such a cosmic affront to the 'way things are'... yes, I'm trying to be funny again. Stop rolling your eyes at the screen, Nate.

I've decided I'm going to look at this as a puzzle. You keep giving me pieces, whether you intend to or not. 'Stranded' sounds like one of those oh-so-innocuous euphemisms of yours. So I'm going to assume you were neck deep in you-know-what and it took you all that time to extricate yourself. Par for the course, I guess. I do know you, Nathan Christopher.

The 'I'll be good as new' part worries me a little, though. I don't think I'll ever forget you coming back to the mansion with the kids after that run-in with Sebastian Shaw. You said almost the same thing then, remember? 'A little sleep and I'll be good as new'. It would have been a lot more convincing if you'd been able to walk without help.

I'm sounding confrontational again, aren't I? I really don't mean to come across like that. Maybe I should quit trying to read between the lines. Bad for my blood pressure, and all.

Scott

To: slyms@xavier.edu
From: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
Subject: blood pressure, etc...
Date: Sun, 23 Sept 2001, 11:25:18 -0500

Actually, you didn't come across sounding confrontational. I was laughing, reading it. Mostly because I remembered the look on your face that day when Jimmy had to pick me up off the floor.

I really was sort of daring you to read between the lines with that last letter, wasn't I? In my own defense, I really didn't spend a lot of time writing it. You hit closer to home than you know, saying that I sounded like I'd had a good scare, and I wrote that response sort of impulsively.

So it was either be vague or open the letter with 'Yes, Scott, I did just about get myself killed'. I actually considered the latter, you know. It's a little embarrassing, at my age, to realize that I could quite easily have spilled the whole thing to you. It was probably some bizarre need to be reassured that yes, I am alive. It's hard to accomplish that when you're alone. I'm in one of my safehouse (and no, I'm not going to tell you which) and it's so empty in here that my breathing has an echo. I don't like it. I'm fighting back the urge to go to bed and pull the blankets over my head, or drink myself into a stupor. Anything to get my mind off the silence.

I think I'm going soft in my old age. I used to be perfectly happy working alone. I could just sit back and let the obsession drive. It's harder now, because I'm the one making the decisions.

I finally get the chance to dictate the course of my own life, and part of me is terrified at the thought. There's irony for you.

N

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: slyms@xavier.edu
Subject: choices
Date: Mon, 24 Sept 2001, 06:38:11 -0500

I'm getting confused, Nate. If you're dictating the course of your own life now, why are you still so set on doing what's 'necessary'? Who's defining necessity, now that your mission's over?

If it's you, I suppose I can't argue with that, but I really have to wonder why this is something you and only you can do. Is it, or are you just grasping at it because you need something to fill the gap in your life now that Nur's dead?

Scott

To: slyms@xavier.edu
From: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
Subject: word choice
Date: Fri, 28 Sept 2001, 04:21:19 -0500

I have a very small request. Could you please quit calling him Nur? It really bothers me. Call him Apocalypse. Apocalypse is the monster, and I need him to be the monster. I don't want to think of him as Nur.

It's these flonqing dreams, that's all. Did I tell you that I was in contact with his mind, when I killed him? When I stuck my psimitar through his astral form and blew it to pieces, I linked with him or something. It threw me for a bit of a loop. I wasn't supposed to be able to touch his mind.

What is, is, I guess. You know that cliche about seeing your life flash before your eyes when you die? He did. I saw it all, through his eyes, and it won't go away. He's in my dreams, like I said. Or maybe I'm dreaming his dreams. I remember too much of him. It's like I took some of him away with me. That's why I haven't been sleeping well.

That's why I have to do this. I guess it's not me defining what's necessary, after all. But that doesn't mean that I disagree. I don't like the options, otherwise, and I've never been the passive sort. I have to see it through.

N

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: slyms@xavier.edu
Subject: one word
Date: Fri, 28 Sept 2001, 12:15:04 -0500

Onslaught.

You remember Onslaught? What happened when Charles used his telepathy on Magneto at too high a level, and took something away with him accidentally? Are you seeing the parallels here?

Get in touch with Jean. Now.

Scott

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: slyms@xavier.edu
Subject: please answer!!!
Date: Mon, 01 Oct 2001, 09:12:18 -0500

Charles and Jean have been taking shifts. Neither of them can find you. Logan's off trying to find you his way, but I haven't heard anything back from him yet. I've been talking to Bridge, I've been trying to track down Domino, none of it's panning out.

Damn you, Nathan Christopher, write back!

Scott

To: nathanc@anon.fifth.net
From: slyms@xavier.edu
Subject: answer, please...
Date: Wed, 03 Oct 2001, 07:28:03 -0500

Nathan, please answer. Please. Just tell us where you are. I don't care what's happening, we'll deal with it, but you have to let us know where you are.

At least write back. Please.

Scott

To: slyms@xavier.edu
From: wolvie@darkcafe.net
Subject: what's with the damned phone?
Date: Fri, 05 Oct 2001, 12:01:03 -0500

Every time I've called the mansion it's been busy. Jean and Chuck aren't hearing me when I 'shout', either. They still both on Cerebra?

Anyhow, I've got something. Nate bought a ticket out of JFK for a Royal Jordanian flight tonight. Plane's bound for Cairo, Scott.

I'm going to head over there and stake the place out. If he shows up, I'll do my best to stop him, but the rest of you need to get your asses up here on the double.

Logan
 

fin?

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